I have had a lot of doubts recently. Doubts about whether things will get better with my family, whether my health will get better and stay better, will I be able to drive again and take care of what I used to be able to do and not have to depend on other people?
I’ve even wondered after moving so many times in my life, how are friendships, relationships I have with other people going to be? I was used to things going wrong so many times, that I wait for the ” other shoe to drop” often. It’s like after two or three years, I expect that I will move again ( change addresses) and not have some of the relationships I have formed anymore. It became an expectation I lived with and got used to unfortunately. I don’t want it to be this way. It is what I live with and tend to plan for.
I pray that I can move past this soon and realize that right now, it’s not this way and there is no plan for this to happen. I long for stability, which truthfully, until I get to heaven to be with Jesus, this will be limited.
I tend to worry often, until I reconnect with Jesus and others that really have my best interest at heart and speak truth into my life.
Psalm 27:13 reminded me though
that “I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
That I would see the goodness of the Lord
A)” style=”font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; vertical-align: top”>In the land of the living.”
When I lose heart, become discouraged and doubt, these emotions happen when I don’t believe and focus on the fact I will see His goodness! I don’t have to “wait for the other shoe to drop”! I can and should believe that He is not going to fail me and let me down, that He will give me the desires of my heart!
Thomas, one of the 12 disciples of Jesus, is known as ” Doubting Thomas.” He would not believe that Jesus rose again, until he actually saw Jesus physically and touched the holes in His body! He had to see proof! He had to experience it first hand, but he was told by Jesus,
“Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” (John 20:29)
I realize that in my life, I often doubt like Thomas did, waiting until I actually experience and see first hand, anything good. This is a lack of faith on my part, that God can and will do miracles in my life, according to His will.