How To Stir The Pot In A Family

Recently, my Brother-In-Law and Sister-in-Law came to visit. I love it when we get together! We don’t see them enough! You see, Tim, my BIL is quite a joker. He loves to remind us of funny things that happened years ago. Now, we often laugh, but years ago, certain events weren’t so funny. It is fun to laugh and joke about these silly things that happened. As we get older, we realize what is really true and important, what is right and wrong. Tim really knows how to “stir the pot in a family”, and in other settings. I feel motivated, in fact, to write a post about this very topic and what some consider humor, does in a family.

Tim is great! He gets us thinking about what bothers us, then we end up talking about several events/people. Sometimes, we shouldn’t say what we do. He knows where our “goat is tied’ though, and several of us join in. I still feel like we can share what really hurts us and for that, I am grateful. I don’t want to diminish that for a minute.

Years Ago, When I Was More Broken And Insecure

I still am a broken person but when my husband and I were much younger, newly married and having our kids, we moved out of state, following what we believed that the Lord had for our lives. Unfortunately though, many comments were made among the family and often were made behind our back. These comments made by parents, or other relatives were hurtful. Some of these comments I just recently learned of. I know that I would have been really hurt and upset. Years ago, I was much more insecure as it was important to me to please people!

It amazes me what went on for years. I can’t believe some of the things that were said. For being in a family that was filled with people who gave their lives to various ministries, I really don’t understand, why people cut each other up this way. It is one thing to really joke, it is another thing to not think about what we are saying about people that we claim to love.

How This Impacts My Life

I heard often, the verse, “Redeeming the time, because the days are evil” This does not mean just keeping busy in ministry. It also means that with the time that we have, don’t waste it only looking around to see what is wrong with everyone else. Now, by God’s grace, due to my husband and the ministry of the church that we go to, the Lord has greatly worked in my life. Although I am a sinner, I am a broken person who has been wrong, I have to give this to the Lord and not let people tear me apart.

What To Do And What NOT To Do

Don’t waste time figuring out who you don’t like and hold grudges especially over trivial, petty things about somebody in your family. We can dislike a person and choose not to spend much time with them. No letters are necessary telling them what all is wrong with their life. If you have something to say, say it in love, but first examine your life and your motives.

Take a look around, be familiar with what is really going on in the world and look for how you can be thankful for that individual that you dislike in your family. There are always people who are worse and we have much to be thankful for, so do not tear into a person in your family and make a sarcastic, unloving comment. It doesn’t build people up.

In a family full of believers in Christ, we should build up each other in our family and are our brothers and sisters in the body of Christ. We should not be constantly unkind, unloving and critical. If we have something to say, don’t say it behind someone’s back in an unloving way. Tell them how you feel! When a family member won’t listen, there is not much else we can do, besides to pray and work on the relationship the best that we can. Again, we can choose to reduce the time spent with the people who hurt us over and over. We can reduce the conversations that we have with them. It does reduce the chances of rude things said.

How To Move On And Not Stir The Pot

As much as we want to talk about why we are upset from events years ago, (and possibly more recently), we should really ask ourselves “Am I stirring the pot?” We get each other going and who knows where that is going to go? I trust some family members and I hope that we are careful to share and build each other up. It is good for us to think about how we might be stirring the pot in our family. This, I believe, causes us to not trust each other.

The quote at the beginning of my post “How We Walk With The Broken Speaks Louder Than How We Sit With The Great,” speaks to me as I think of those who care enough to walk with us through hard times instead of those who look from a distance, criticizing when they don’t know what really is going on or who we are as a person. Those people who sit back at a distance, are the ones who “sit with the great.” They look good on the outside and look spiritual. Are they really walking with the people who hurt by picking at a person or a couple? My husband Daniel and I greatly appreciate the love and care that Tim and Lissa Tessin show us! We know that they can come visit us and not be critical when our day and our life right now is not ideal. Thank you Tim and Lissa, We love you!

Verses To Consider

“Redeeming the time because the days are evil.”

Ephesians 5:16

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”

1 Peter 4:8

“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, 25 not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”

Hebrews 10:24-25

Outbound Links

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ephesians%205:16&version=NIV

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Peter%204%3A8&version=NIV

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Hebrews%2010%3A24-25&version=NIV

Internal links

https://heartshare.blog/2021/06/17/you-are-going-in-the-wrong-direction-make-a-u-turn/

11 thoughts on “How To Stir The Pot In A Family

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    1. We have a great Pastor! I’ve learned a lot, how to live a Christ-like life on a day to day basis, in a very practical way, with no condemnation. It is what I needed a lot. He preaches straight from the Word!

      1. You are blessed! I heard Billy Graham’s daughter preach once and I didn’t get her name. She is a great preacher, too. Hope all the babies are well!

  1. I am so sorry for all the pain you have had to bear. We know that if you share in His suffering, you will share in His glory. I can see that you have a tender heart towards others that only comes from suffering. You have an understanding of God’s Word that is deeper than most. Maybe if you had not suffered so much you would not have what really matters. Many will be blessed in the end because of the road you have been down. He deems you worthy! Be encouraged!

    1. Thank you! I try and apply what I know, He’s still working on me! Our Pastor was talking about how Ruth Bell Graham saw a sign that said “ Construction work in Progress, she wanted on her gravestone that it was the end of Construction.

  2. “We are all broken people to one degree or another. And God loves using broken people, because that way we know it is Him working out His grace in us.” (Doug Johnston)
    May I recommend a book that has been very helpful to me as well as thousands of others? “Forgiving What You Can’t Forget” is Lysa TerKeurst story of how she learned to do this and it certainly helped me, especially with people with whom I no longer have any relationship. ❤️&🙏, c.a.

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